Stand Up For Love
There are times I find it hard to sleep at night
We are living through such trouble times
And every child that reaches out
For someone to hold
For one moment
They become my own
And how can I pretend that I don’t know
What’s going on?
When every second
And every minute
And I believe that in my life
I will seeAnd in to hopelessness
Or giving up
Or suffering
Then we should stand together this one time
Then no one will get left behind
And stand up for life
Stand up
And here me sing
Stand up for love
Im inspiredAnd hope
For each and everyday
That’s how I know
And how can I pretend that I don’t know
What’s going on?
When every second
And every minute
Another soul is gone
And I believe that in my life
I will seeAnd in to hopelessness
Or giving up
Or suffering
Then we should stand together this one time
Then no one will get left behind
And stand up for life
Stand up for love
And it all starts right here
And it starts right now
One person stand up man!
And the rest goes all out
Very forgotten
Very Unloved
Im gonna sing this song,
And I believe
That in my life
I will see
And in to hopelessness
Or giving up
Or suffering
Then we should stand together this one time
Then no one will get left behind
And stand upfor lifestand upand sing
Stand up for love
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i agree. cries.
And i don't want to speak these words.
Because I don't want to make things any worse.
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Why does it have to end?
Why don't we hit restart,
And pause it at our favorite parts.
We'll skip the goodbyes.
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Because I don't want to make things any worse.
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Why does it have to end?
Why don't we hit restart,
And pause it at our favorite parts.
We'll skip the goodbyes.
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My official stressing, killer, depressing week is coming to an end, i hope *crosses fingers*
The festive season is around the corner. Jumps with joy, not. Apparently, the Raya, just falls again on a wrong day, well more of on the wrong period. The charts of my life, are plunging down, real deep, the abyss. The hike back up is no easy task.
Johor yesterday was great. Dunkin Donuts are making me nuts and bought me self a pair of Birkenstocks. I oughta to be delighted, but not really though, but the thought of those donuts made me smile. I've ordered more donuts on my friend upcoming trip to JB so that i could distribute it among my people (friends, duh!)
It's 540am. I managed to clear the freelancing job. I love doing 3d modelling but with the rate of the stupid laggy-ness just brings me to the peak. Nonetheless, i'll explode. Hmm.. recently, stupid thoughts rush to my mind. I've never done anything top notch, i've done anything that could satisfy myself. In what? In everything. Work, friendship, relationship,etc I feel that everything is just mediocre. Nothing exuberant for me. It just proves that, working hard is the only way to swivel my way up. Hmm. I shall do that.
There are things i won't change and the definite numero uno is, i will still never put myself at the front line, never. Others comes first, not me. That is one thing i will never change.
Hmm. I can't run from everything. I can't. I will go through it. Like any other. Going through each and every hurdle, alone. Now that's new.
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it may failed but has a little hope.
it sounds stupid but yes i'm a dope.
i once had two but changed one.
becos one of the two had gone.
i still have two but i decide to take out the other one.
like my life, one of the two had gone.
a promised to myself i made a year ago.
i didn't expect to happen though.
the two represents the two important people in my life then.
but one of the two had left to my defense.
i cried hard but it doesn't ammend.
because i thought family would run through till the end.
so like it was from two to one.
one day, it'll be none.
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confusing shit. well it means something.
One In A Million
Alright this is my chance of a lifetime to actually grab hold of my keyboard and sit infront of the bloody pc for at least 20 mins (good enough to blog though)
Let me see
Work.
Work.
Hospital.
Interview.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Mom's Office.
Mom's Office.
Hari Raya Preparations.
Hari Raya Preparations.
Work.
Work.
Photoshoot.
Work.
Work.
Book Hotel Ballroom. (niece's wedding)
Wa lao. Where to find time to enjoy har???? Or better yet, where to find time to self-reflect? I am so shagged that even my toes are wrinkled up laughing in agony. So i did alot of busy stuffs recently. Alot. This responsibilities and priorities came running to me as if there's no end.
Yesterday, went to book Raffles Hotel Ballrom for some goddang wedding, well for my niece that is. Raffles Hotel, for goodness sake from all hotels, she just have to choose a hotel where the famous plastique nose stays. No offence to the hotel, but hello, it costs a mighty bomb alright!! Damn, rich people. *shakes head* And yes, who's the wedding planner? BUT ME. Well, on 2nd thoughts, it is my dream job. But then again. I'm friggin shagged right now. But the wedding does not happen until next year though wahaha *rejoice rejoice, jumps in the air* ok i'm rather shagged to be excited anyway.
I'm running amuck endlessly..... i swear i am gonna type this entry halfway before i hit the z's on my keyboard.
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Z z z z z..............
I've got a million of responsibilities and priorities now, that i'd rather be under some bayou mud.
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Extremely busy, guys apologies to all. Just give me a sms i'll get back a.s.a.p
Timetable
(12am - 6am) - freelancing
(6am - 7am) sleep
(8am - 2pm) - work
(2pm - 3pm) - sleep
(3pm - 7pm) - mum's office
(7pm - 8pm) - break fast and prayers
(8pm -10pm) - mosque/orphanage
(10pm - 12am) - chores
OR
(12am - 6am) - freelancing
(6am - 7am) sleep
(8am - 2pm) - work
(2pm - 3pm) - sleep
(3pm - 7pm) - mum's office
(7pm -730pm) - break fast and prayers
(8pm -11pm) - hospital
(11pm - 12am) - chores
(11pm - 12am) - chores
OR
(12am - 3am) - television
(3am - 6am) - freelancing/bake(for hari raya)/chores
(6am - 7am) - sleep
(8am - 2pm) - work
(2pm - 3pm) - sleep
(3pm - 7pm) - mum's office
(7pm -730pm) - break fast and prayers
(8pm -11pm) - hospital
(8pm -11pm) - hospital
(11pm - 12am) - chores
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Nahz i'm not that busy just the life it is now.
It's 555am and the laptop died on me 4 friggin' times tonight and now, Again.
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I'm rather pissed now.
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So retreat all, never say i didn't warn you guys.
Wrap Me A Rainbow
A little comfort would be good now but so far i guess the dark cloud hover over me for quite awhile. The parental is getting better =) But still things will just be as it is. As much disappointment i have in myself over all that happened, i'm still running amuck endlessly. I know! tell me about it. Here i am blogging on the lap top, with lots more work for freelancing to do (a huge sigh!) Well, another long night with work to head for in the morning.
Life sorta suck; now and my little back hurts, WAHAHA. Ok rather out of the topic. You see i have alot of uncertainties now. Alot. But i'm hoping and praying for a little something.
(1)The joy i had once lost.
(2)The smile that used to be my trademark.
(3)The untolerable fame (WAHAHA)
(4)Argh. Everything else.
Well not " a little something apparently" LOL
I can work on those actually. Is just that, i want the simple things that people had once forgotten. The really simple things. Where there are times that actually a smile would be the mother of all comfort. Where sometimes, waking up greeting the morning sun would be a start of a brand new day. The simple things that runs through life, where people who actually had totally forgot about em'. A little hello, that brightens up the day, A nice how are you acts as show of concern.
Like they say, it's evolution. The seven deadly sins are working hard on each and everyone. Including myself.
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Damn u pandora for opening such box.
"...anywhere i go tonight..."
it's been 3 days going to Gleneagles and it's getting better
it's been 3 days i run around thinking there's no matter
it's been 3 days i suffer this agony
it's been 3 days but to others it might just be funny
it's been 3 days i look up but there's nobody there
it's been 3 days i'm alone and people are unaware
off i go again.
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i'm jaded enough. what else now? 10 days to the Hari Raya, but everything had worn out. I just couldn't be bothered, like i mentioned, apparently this year too.
| You Are 19 Years Old |
 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
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Not that bad, i do think as a 19 year old, when i'm 20 bahz! i just turned 20 anyway!
It's good to know that you're acting your own age more or less, Not any way younger or older =)
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YAY ME!
Exhausted
It runs wild.
It went no where.
But the feeling wasn't mild.
It was left there.
I looked behind,
But nothings there.
I must be loosing my mind.
But i still keep running but to no where.
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I'll keep running.
Crap man, utterly crap. I left my heart and my mind somewhere that's for sure. This body of mine is soul-less(lol). I go out every single day. I keep telling myself, "Why bother staying home? When everything i see or everything that happens, would just make me ponder and make everything go wrong?!"
The parental became worried, she doesn't have the slightest clue and i don't blame her. Never did i once had broken fast at home lately. Ouch. I'm becoming transparent and lifeless, even the word HELP spelt on my face doesn't seem visible anymore. Like i said, i'm now soul-less, empty and confused.
I began to do stupid things, the epitome of being stupid became my middle name.
-I sit alone at a bus stop, doing nothing but thinking.
-I pressed the keypad of my phone with irregular numbers, alot.
-I brought home stray cats.
-I talk to strangers.
-I talk as if my Dad was in front of me.
-I thought i was celebrating Deepavali.
The list would go on, but i'll just mention the weirdest i guess. Stupidity became a close friend.
Com'on bring me to the psychiatric ward now. Or put me in a padded cell, i may run loose and the worse could occur. Possession. I'm lost. I'm running loose. I can't count, the days seem longer.
ECCENTRIC.
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help
help
"...once in a lifetime..."
1.Name someone with the same birthday as you:- Justin, Daryl and Wasfiah.
2. Where was your first kiss?:- Forehead, not mine but hers .
3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?:- Yes, secondary school days *shakes head*
4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?:- Accidentally Yes, intentionally nope.
5. Have you ever sang in front of a large numberof people?:- Yes, i was in a choir.
6.Whats the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?:- Their smiles & eyes.
7.What do you usually order from starbucks?:- Rhumba frappucino or caramel latte.
8. What is your biggest mistake:- Recently? portraying a message that was perceived wrongly which i ended up being hurt and remorse deeply, but previously in the past, let's face it everyone has a skeleton in their wardrobes yeah.
9. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?:- Don't bother, i'm clumsy enough.
10. Say something totally random about you:- I am always misjudged or misunderstood and i crave for chilli crabs.
11. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?:- I'm a "celebrity" myself. LOL.
12. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?:- Definitely!
13. Are you comfortable with your height?:- Towering at 182cm? of course!
14. What is the most romantic thing someone ofthe opposite sex has done for you?:- When she carved my name out of a cake, quite recently actually and she took a photo of it. *touched*
15. When do you know it's love?:- When you know you've lost it. =(
16. Do you speak any other languages?:- Yes, but mostly people still don't understand them.
17. Have you ever been to a tanning salon?:- Nope.
18. What magazines do you read?:- Interior, Graphics, Fashion and FHM.
19. Have you ever ridden in a limo?:- Yeap.
20. Has anyone you were really close with passed away?:- Nope.
21. Do you watch mtv?:- Yes of course, they have those irritating shows that you hate but you still watch them.
21. Do you watch mtv?:- Yes of course, they have those irritating shows that you hate but you still watch them.
22. What's something that really annoys you?:- For once, someone understand me!! And don't get it all wrong. =(
23. What's something you really like?:- Friends.
24. Do you like Michael Jackson?:- Love that plastic nose.
25. Can you dance?:- Proudly, yes. Ask around.
26. What's the latest you have ever stayed up?- 96hours later after i last slept.
27. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?:- Yeah, when my kidney failed.
28. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?:- Nope, i was rushed into the emergency room when i was in the hospital.
29. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?:- Depends on who fill them up.
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Pretty much explains why i do such things at this hour.
Special.
I came to this topic when i was reading some magazine just now.
How special are you? The normal answer you will get is, "You're special in your own way."
As true as it sound but it does seem overrated aye. What if we twist the question a little.
How great are you? Now, that's a little twist in that special question aye.
Being great is something spectacular. Respected and influential.
For e.g. you're special to me because you're the one love.
Whereas, you're great because you made me realised the true meaning of love.
Oh well as confusing it sounds, the whole story takes another twist. My point is everyone is special because no one is the same but someone special to your heart implies that the meaning lies deeper than just a someone special. It implies on trust, on responsibility, dignity and faith. Everyone is great no matter how less the effort you put because, there is a factor in each and everyone of us that actually moves and influences you. There is a factor that made you respect one another.
Nonetheless everyone could be specially great or not to another. But proving a point of showing and telling the worth of someone beyond what you can see now on how special and great someone is means so much that no words could describe.
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I've lost my dignity and trust; i am going to scamper my way through to gain it and put it back where it originally was.
"...lost in the terms of craziness..."
Not Yet
I tried to take my mind off things and went to a movie marathon with beat, not that i want to but then from what my other half mentioned, "Try to meet up with your friends, i can't be with you but you know i want too, just don't brood and do not let a dark cloud hover you everyday.." And it was a nice marathon. Skeleton Key and Deuce Bigalow, for all i can say, Skeleton Key was worth watching but not Deuce, as much as it tickles my funny bones i just think it's not worth the money.
Yes, my mind was occupied but a trailer of an upcoming movie called Zathura, just made me reminisce certain stuffs. Well not the entire movie, just a phrase out of that trailer that made my heart sorta sank. I've said that phrase twice or many times and vice versa, but then again it took another turn. If those of you knew me well enough, you will spot the phrase definitely.
It's such a heavy period. But like they say, you have to put up with a little storm before you could actually see the wonders of a rainbow. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Thank you beat for everything lately.
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My significant you,
My significant you,
Don't weep because i weep,
Don't be hurt because i'm hurt,
Don't be confused because i'm confused.
Eventually things will be better, i am keeping up the faith. There are times i know that maybe God wasn't with me when i needed him but i know there are times he's always there. I haven't loose faith in anyone yet. I know you care, i really do. I know you wished for the hands of time to turn back. So do i.
As i said, its okie, i'll take things as it is for now. As much as i say it hurts, alot but that doesn't mean i crumble before you. I'm not those type of people. But yes, alot of things had been crashing on me, like what you said. But i never blame em', i learn from them.
Dear, i love you alot and appreciate so much that you're there for me now, even though now it's a minus one, i've kicked myself up alot so don't worry because things will eventually be as it is then or be better in the future. =)
Hearts dear.
Yours Sincerely,
Your significant baby.
"...i'll still be the light to brighten up your day..."
Take It As It Is
Pondering on what happen, doesn't actually help but to take everything as it is, could actually be for the better. My head had been hanging low for the past few days, i oughta look up and look forward for the path that is set for me. But it will take a while. The funneh thing, i look up and see alot of signs that might point to the needed direction of believes, not only mine but alot of others as well.
Right now, the head will definitely hang low,
Until when, god knows.
Raya's coming what a bummer,
Because there goes another.
Someone told me, don't hope but believe because when you believe everything will be fine.
I believe everything will eventually be ok.
I believe (no more hoping you see lol) that it marks a new beginning, not the end.
I believe (see told ya!!) that trying hard will never please.
I believe concern might be misjudged.
I believe portrayal could be the form of betrayal.
I believe time is of an essence.
I believe that leaving a trail of history would make you learn.
I believe that mistakes are never wrong.
I believe that trust is to be gained.
I believe lost is to be returned.
I believe love is the mother of all hatred.
I believe smiles are always the best.
I believe gratitude are deep but doesn't need to be shown.
I believe that i was made to believe.
Whoah, now that philosophical entry, really kicked in the heart! It made me think, i think, lol but then again i realised the realisation but not to fret or regret but to actually learn. I've discovered more than i think but i know the opportunity still runs wild, and i hope it would be knocking on my door somehow sooner or later. Now i believe in that!
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Dear my significant you,
You received the message didn't you, you made my day, as cold and dark the day is the sparkle you gave brightens it up, the time is not really ripe but yes i will take heed but don't worry my dear, you gave the encouragement and i thank you for that.
Now now, i'll be better, and thank you for understanding.
Yours sincerely,
Your significant baby.
"...you gotta shake it and move it..."
Dear Stephanie,
My dear, as we had endless chats, the time spent is never enough. Right now my dear all i want is to be alone. To actually, contain myself to what i have succumbed too. My life's a wreck but it won't bring me down. As much as i miss you, i really don't deserve the good things for now. Just let me be, i'll be replying to your messages though but i will miss your voice tremendously..
I can't think of what else now, but to actually run around amuck with all these happening at one shot i just couldn't take it no more. Well, so much of a holy month aye my dear.. Anyway love your loads.
You read my blog right my only mean of releasing my innermost feelings and desire to you could be found here. My baby you, just don't worry about me alright, it'll be ok, a little lonely time would be good =)
Love you loads.
Yours sincerely,
Your only significant baby.
I wonder
I'm not gonna change the way i write about things. I'm not going to change the way i release my thoughts. I have not insulted people who has done nothing wrong to me, i repeat nothing wrong to me. Nonetheless, i've never actually extend my limits.
But i wonder why, there are things that people took it the wrong way. Never did anyone thought my entries were malicious enough to actually ruin anyone's reputation and never did i thought of that too. Majority of my entries are my normal boring daily life. Alot, trust me alot of people, more than you can think off out there who read my blog would actually pass it off as everything i wrote as utter rubbish or nothing worth enough to actually to ponder about or lastly to be affected by it.
Oh well, we oughta face the fact, we're open to a very frank and straight forward society. The generation now, apparently accept voiced out opinions with an open mind. The percentage of people now who has mindsets that maybe they picked up during the vintage years (wahaha) couldn't even fill up the entire block, whereas the people of this day and age could actually just take up the whole world. bahz!
I believe that blogs are dynamic. The era of blogging have just started, and we are only seeing the tip of the humongous iceberg yet. Blogs are, right now, still an untested platform for marketing, and I believe it has a huge potential to take over some traditional media but it doesn't mean that my blog had shine to all the newspapers or media or local families neither internationally. I know it's on the world wide web, then again, i'm a nobody, not even my 13th floor neighbour know about me, or my cousins in particular, they don't even know i own a blog, they won't want to read my entries. Their lives are better than mine! My point is, my blog is neutral and so am i, i write things that just pop in my mind. I write things that i know will never hurt people closest to my heart, but in certain circumstances i don't know why things are perceived wrongly. =/. Then again, if anyone of you find my entries offensive/provocative/controversial/ or could actually trigger world war III (LOL), my suggestion is,
Don't read my blog.
They say shit happens. Unexpected shit. And people change and also people change people. For now everything is left stagnant, confused, hurt, still confused, hungry (lol) and yah again plain confused and sad. Though i really wish, i could turn back the hands of time but i still know there is still a window of opportunity. Blood is thicker than water.
I'm sorry.
It's the first time i apologise from maybe a slip of tongue (which i still wonder). I have done my part of apologising of maybe that i've actually offend, the "not this day and age" people. I have done my part by being the better person. And i actually i apologise from the bottom of my heart sincerely.
Just that, i write my blog the way i should i write it afterall it is my domain. If the way you perceive it sounds crude and rude and just would make everything wrong (lol) than it's your choice. Alot have accept my blog nothing more but a harmless twit lol. I pardon my sarcasm and my "profound" language lol, like i say it's me. It's about time that fresh air of the millenium or whatever generation we're in now kicked in and try to get use to it.
If this clarification entry is provocative or offensive enough, i guess that's funny, because my entries have never been utterly serious. LOL.
"...life's a wreck, i bet you know why..."
Misunderstood Twiddle Diddle
Eh wait, later la hungry! =P
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Guess what! Guess what! I have blog boundaries wahaha, meaning that i can't blog what i wanna or whatever i wanna blog.
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Hmm. Now that's contradicting enough, it is my blog and my domain ain't it?
"...stumbled like my words, misunderstood..."
Stress Reliever
You see, some people are just born loaded, or either that they managed to hack into Bill Gates bank account. Running over an IPOD Nano, throwing it to concrete floor, bahz is just nothing. Like the price $348 or $438 matters to them. *roll eyes* It's just another piece of decorative plastic, with sheer complicated chips installed.
Read more at the attached link below with more visuals and stories about the above.
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WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!
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I yearn and dream for a nano (achieving soon after Hari Raya! YES! =D) I wouldn't let such a delicate masterpiece go to waste. Bahz.
Stupid, taking-advantange-of-their-bank-account people! Grr.
Anyway, hello to the new blog header. Sob. Sometimes, i'm just impressed with my work. Sob*
I've been photoshopping endlessly, like the visual terrorism graphic below. I am still photoshopping as i type! I just can't live without that software. If i were to be stuck in an island, throw me my mobile and a laptop with photoshop. (wait, i need electricity if the batteries dies.. *WAILSSS*) I'll cope well and when i'm saved, i'll have a collection of work all piled up =)
Hmm, i was wondering, why alot of Designers, fashion designer's that is, detest's, well not detest la, maybe erm, find the shoe brand, Charles & Keith not fairly a good brand for shoes. Number 1, hello the name implies it all of another CK wannabe? Oh well forgot about that... i asked those whom majority i knew prefer other brands.
Charles & Keith is aestethically pleasing, but common. It's a fair share of shoes with common typical designs. Majority are just heels, with maybe a different strap or ribbon. But then again how far can you go? Ok i take back that question; i foresee all shoe designer aiming up with their heels to whack me up as i just bridged their creativity.
The shoes of Charles & Keith, has bad cuttings which normally hurts, from what i know that is. Their cut for their shoes, aims to only females, or maybe a male (you know what i mean) with small petite feet. And it's a definite NO NO for clubbing or partying.
Also, the brand overrates shoes. Simply said.
Ah, that explains why. Charles & Keith is just another normal local brand with no new zest in comfortability and aesthetic pleasures of the feet. Who cares, i'm all about the Dunks. =D
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"...i'm unavailable for now..."
designer - izk-ed
I'm Feeling You
Sometimes, I imagine the world without you
But most times, i'm just so happy that i ever found you
It's a complicated web, that you weave inside my head
So much pleasure with such pain
How we always, always stay the same
I'm feelin' the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the nick of time
I'm ridin' the highs, i'm diggin' the lows
'cause at least I feel alive
I've never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good
I'm feelin' you
I'm feelin' you
You go, and then i can finally breathe in
'cause baby I know, in the end you're never leavin'
Well we're rarely ever sane, i drive you crazy and you do the same
But your fire fills my soul
And it wounds me up like no one knows
Oh i'm feelin' the way that you cross my mind
And the way that you save me in the nick of time
Oh i'm feelin' the way when you walk on by I feel light,
I feel love,
I feel butterflies
I feel butterflies
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Now now, doesn't those lyrics simply implies on what i am going through now aye? That goes to regard to not all the 5 problems implemented earlier yeah, oh well maybe out of 5, the first 3 for sure. I hope everything will turn AYE OKAYE! =) I'm lifting my chin up to look forward to such pretty days ahead of me.
I'm feeling you, my significant darlin', with the love we have, it lifts us up where we belong trust me.
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I'm feeling you, my one and only brother/best friend, i'd rather have myself die in a car accident than you (winks), you can trust your brotherhood in me.
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I'm feeling you "D", you can look up to me as a confidant but imitating is not the way of life (hint hint clue clue)
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".... come'on guys sing along with with that song, i'm feeling you guys...."
Oh My God
I guess this is the first time, problems kicked the ass, at one shot. This arse is armour but then again, i suck at handling problems. I am the epitome of being plainfully confused. Bleahz. Let me see the problems, in no particular order.
(1)A confusing (a little demanding) long distant relationshop
(2)A brother who is M.I.A
(3)A friend(or acquaintance) who wants to be like me
(4)A couple of them who is out to get me
(5)And an instant crave for sushi (it's a problem now since it is the fasting month okaye!!!)
Problem (1) Relationship.
Wa sianz bor. As confusing as it sounds, having a relationship with a girl down under is some what not an easy thing alright! To make it worse, is when the partner migrates and lives there for good! As much as we love each other, things tend to go haywire. We don't see each other every single day of our friggin' lives, we don't hang out, we don't spend time together. How on earth do you actually be there for her 24/7?! We have endless chats on MSN and phone calls, but it's matter of voice and words. How much can you go? I want to hold her hand, give a kiss on the sweetest forehead i've ever seen, bring her to parks filled with balloons, joy and laughter, take her out to a romantic dinner by the beach, surprise her with bouquet of flowers every day (ok every week la hor..) and the list goes on..
Plus, this time round the parents (in laws) are little tad demanding. With questions bombarding the both of us.. "Is he/she the right one? You both are in love? Anytime soon to be hitched?" EEK! It's freaking us out, well it is freaking ME out. Yes uncle and aunty i do love her, and i want to be with her, but getting hitched/married/tie the knot/break the virginity glass, HELLO, a little bit to rushy yeah, i just turn 20 sir/m'am, and she's only 19. Our teenage years are still lingering on with plenty of adulthood to look forward in the future. I'm not prepared to settle down and neither is she. We'll take our time alright, but not now, not any time soon sir/m'am. We will love each other until where it brings us, may it be forever or not, but i believe in fate and destiny. She's my one in a million.
I'm a sitting duck -_-
Problem (2) M.I.A Brother
Oh my goodness, yes bro you're busy; as busy as no one else could. I let you do your own things, never did i intrude but if you believe i do, i have no say. Times like this i run to you, to vent out all the problems in me, and confide to my one and only confidant. You have your own problems i know, i really know and i truly understand. But you never like to share. Which made me uncertain about alot of things. I don't know but at times you're doing something which requires some peace and quiet or something you could just tell so i would know how to response and react.
I dun pester you anymore if you noticed? But now you're literally, gone (for the past week that is) but never forgotten. You promised to bake some things at my place and you didn't mention whether you're still up to it.. Went out and bought the stuffs, but you cancelled on me on the last minute, because you are left uncontactable, not that i mind, there are times that people need you. My mum asked me whether you wanted to join in for dinner and quidam, but again you're left uncontactable. So i don't know now? Stumped.
I really care, i really do but if you don't tell me anything what am i supposed to do? If you're having family problems you could vent it out to me, or you're having a 1 night stand with your gf, you don't have to be shy bout that, if you're out with your pals, dude it's ok alright.. or something bad happen, i have a shoulder for you to lean on yeah. I am your brother, and you are my only brother/best friend. I never hide anythings from you i hope you won't too okaye. I can never scold or get mad with you, why? because you're my brother, the number 2 in a million.
Just one last thing, my dear bro Where have you been lately?
Problem (3) To be like me?
My dear, let's call him "D" alright. You don't want to be me, there are times i don't want to be me!
I snore.
I snort. (not alot)
My hair frizzes when the weather is hot.
My life is not perfect as you think.
I do not have a father to lean on.
I'm not the nicest person on earth.
My mother tongue sucks.
I have tonnes of problems (as you can see!)
I am not popular.
My designing work is not the best.
I don't have fun everyday.
I owe people cash.
People owe me cash.
I'm not rich.
I work my ass off.
You see "D" you don't want to be me. Be yourself. Be who you are. I'm as individual as i am. My life is a roller coaster ride, there are times the adrenaline just kicks you in the butt and of course in life there are definitely the good times. But it is definitely best to be who you are.
The individual one is known off, not another me. =)
Problem (4) Out to get me?
This is simple. Ignorance is bliss. Come and get me guys =) *twinkles*
*twiddle diddle*
Problem (5) Sushi Sashimi, I want Jap food.
When you're fasting you crave for a million things. Right now for this instance, Mel, just mentioned about sushi and yes i am craving for it now. Everything Japanese infact argh! The level of consumption for Jap food in me had depleted way long back and i yearn for some now. Alright.
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Enough said, the problems attack at once immediately argh. The english even went haywire. I couldn't give a damn to check the grammars and stuffs so yeah. I shall now snooze, if i'm able too.
"...why oh why..."
my sweethearts
I can't help it but too post and actually graphically collaged more random photos. Yeah, camera whores we are, a huge one. I went to Geylang earlier on with Nadi; rather unplanned and impromptu after breaking fast McD's. Uh huh, talking about filling yeah. We both just had a major crave for fries, though Long John fries are undoubtly the best ever. Then again, McD's it was.
I headed to the Bazaar at Geylang to find it rather, boring. It's the same thing over again, but like they say, you can never visit geylang during the fasting month. I guess that particular rule does apply to me aye and the rest of the muslims in Singapore i guess. =P
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Bahz, dunnoe what to blog le. I hate when this happens. Off to bed.
"....on bended knees...."
-ends hoi hoi. I love you, my brother, friends & families ends-
28th September 2005
29th September 2005
29th September 2005
At last the birthday pictorials are up. Nadi managed to take a little time off to send it to me thanks alot dear! Alright, there are more people who turned up for my birthday but before 8pm, the camera, yes died. Damn it.
To view more of the pictorials, just click on the link below
--My 20th Birthday Bash Photos--
And again, i am up this morning. Sleep? What sleep? I've been insomnia strucked for god knows how long and i am so used to it. At last, i've gotten the song uploader right thanks to Ripway . Holly gosh! It's Wednesday already! Alright time flies really fast and the weekend is around the corner and yes, Hari Raya too! Alright green packets galore. hehe.
This very moment, my cats are fighting, claws and paws and everything else. I could here the high pitched meows and the tumbling of furniture (i am not kidding) Why didn't i stop them? It's their normal routine to actually have a rumble at this hour. These femme fatales of mine (well they are male, but since they are pussies, femme fatales should do fine) would claw, bang, pounce and even play catch just to get even. Hmm, trust me in another 10 minutes they'll snuggle up at one corner and snooze their whiskers off. Oh well.
Another day without sleep. What have i succumb too?
"... if things were to change, i hope it is for the better not worse..."
-ends 20. I love you, brother, friends & families ends-
I realised, my camera phone do snap up really good quality pictures yeah. You don't see any grains don't you? *impressed* I was sitting, alone, while waiting for that Junior Creative Director to complete her tasks and snap up those photos, after such boredom, all those became a realization fact. I have tonnes of other apparel, gadgets, gizmo's, shoes, accessories but the items mentioned above are the frequent ones to be seen, practically at least 2 times a week (that's for the apparel, but the accessories could be detected on me 24/7! hee)
I did a good deed today. I was around Sultan Mosque earlier in the day while waiting for the "Jr C. D." to actually have dinner aka break fast with me. Where a couple of children and senior citizens approached me, asking for some cash to buy food as they were fasting and penniless. My heart deepens and i gave them $20 to settle their own consumption of their daily bread. Ok, you guys might just smack me in the head, thinking they might be another scheme of con artist's, if so, they're really good aye..
My point is, if everyone in the world who disguises themselves up to be beggers and comes up to us to actually shower sympathy on them are con artists than, what happen to the real less fortunate? People can be deceived, but the heart gives much sympathy for those that actually need. We can't predict who are faking it and who are not as long what portrays in you is that the sense of equality. We are all of the same kind, being treated equally fairs the justice, there's no need to look down on one another because of the difference of status. God made each and everyone of us as fair as possible. =)
I don't know whether is it just me but don't you all feel good after doing some kind acts? Well i definitely do. It maybe one of the 7 deadly sins speaking but then again, pride is one sin you can't eliminate. But all i can say, i feel good after doing a worthy cause.
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Now, that's philosophical enough =)
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I'm relatively free today, after slogging in the wee hours of the morning doing 13 perspectives using Vidz. I feel satisfied. I hope my brother does too, he have guided me well during this freelance project. Thank you bro! We both had our alone time today, no stress, no deadlines but maybe tomorrow, we'll see =)
Bahz, right about 5 seconds ago.. my mind went utterly blank. I stared at the screen, while it stares at me back, thinking of what to rant, while it wait for me to show my mind on the screen. Ah! Mind block.. for this instance i guess i am having a writer's block. Could it be the first? NAHZ i doubt so lor, i've had so many blocks on this brain that it could actually fill up the entire national stadium, rah. Now that's just simply exaggerated and plainfully stupid to use such comparison. *guffaws* Holy crap! I'm laughing to some lameass joke that my lifeless mind created..
*shakes head*
Something is definitely wrong with this picture. I guess the bed had enticed the mind. Therefore, this little mind of mine, had began tucking in way before i do. Oh well, i oughta catch up and maybe that would fix it all.
"...i gave everyone the equal smile they deserve..."
-ends shine. I love you, my brother, friends & families ends-
Initial Plans
My initial plans was to put that header i just posted as my new blog header, but i guess the late night creative juices sorta died on me and i don't really fancy the graphics i just did. We'll see what tml (or later in the day) shall bring.
Let me see, the creative juices sort off depleted awhile ago, the mind went blank. Therefore my attempt to blog at this hour failed miserably. I do not have the slightest idea what shall i rant about. I'm better off sleeping i guess. Thunderous booms and flashy lightning might overwhelm the blackest sky now. Alrighty. =)
"...hysteric glamour, do give me something from there..."
-ends sephia. I love you, my brother, friends and families ends-
Take off
When i went KTV that night during my birthday bash, i sat in silence admiring the antics of Serene and Xiang. First off was the Jolin Tsai song, i have no clue what is it called but yes, a pop maniac it was. The video was jam packed with corny and cheesy dances but the mother of all horrors, when Serene and Xiang actually re-enact the whole thing. Which definitely left me glued to the seat. Literrally. Me, Faith and Randy just watched, with our jaws wide open that is. Running through our pewny minds, "What in the devil had gotten into them~!?"
Guess that was scary enough? Wait until this song from Alex Toh tagged along, called Tui Dao. As i gazed at them traumatised, the whole scene of them pouncing on the couches screaming "TUI DAO! TUI DAO!" again left me gazing into them with no end in my mind. Speechless. I looked at Faith, i don't see any horizon in those eyes as she stare at them, pointlessly. Tui Dao (Take off) A catchy song, a hot video clip but again it is just full of hip hop wannabes, with each and everyone of them, as well as the singer, stripping off their clothes piece by piece. The horror! When Alex Toh stripped into this pair of hot pants waist low... wait let me recall, it was definitely lower than the waist...!! As sexy as he can be, but a guy with hot pants, somewhat below the naval where the hairline is just.... wrong, especially the whole get up includes corny and cheesy dance movements.
When i went KTV that night during my birthday bash, i sat in silence admiring the antics of Serene and Xiang. First off was the Jolin Tsai song, i have no clue what is it called but yes, a pop maniac it was. The video was jam packed with corny and cheesy dances but the mother of all horrors, when Serene and Xiang actually re-enact the whole thing. Which definitely left me glued to the seat. Literrally. Me, Faith and Randy just watched, with our jaws wide open that is. Running through our pewny minds, "What in the devil had gotten into them~!?"
Guess that was scary enough? Wait until this song from Alex Toh tagged along, called Tui Dao. As i gazed at them traumatised, the whole scene of them pouncing on the couches screaming "TUI DAO! TUI DAO!" again left me gazing into them with no end in my mind. Speechless. I looked at Faith, i don't see any horizon in those eyes as she stare at them, pointlessly. Tui Dao (Take off) A catchy song, a hot video clip but again it is just full of hip hop wannabes, with each and everyone of them, as well as the singer, stripping off their clothes piece by piece. The horror! When Alex Toh stripped into this pair of hot pants waist low... wait let me recall, it was definitely lower than the waist...!! As sexy as he can be, but a guy with hot pants, somewhat below the naval where the hairline is just.... wrong, especially the whole get up includes corny and cheesy dance movements.
What are they thinking? -_-"
Why am i awake at this hour? Nothing new but work, i'm rendering my butt off in 3d modelling with constant hangs on my much okay computer ( i hear a new ram calling!) Bro just came over, to take the drawings to meet the client at IMM, i didn't tag along due to my sprained ankle when i tripped in the toilet earlier in the day. Crappified. I need some eyeshut, tremendously.
But couldn't bear to give my blog a miss aye. A lunatic i am, to CERTAIN chinese and malay songs, my itunes are blasting away eversince the computer started running. Yes, Tui Dao. Bleahz. Tell me about it, the more you find it corny, the level of listening to it, simply increases. Ok i shall do good and fast, like i never did it the whole of the 3 days ago. Oh well, I wanna get my pay from all the work i did, not only freelancing but my barista-ing, aiming for the nano badly, and aiming for new clothes as well plus i need to pay off tan yan though wahah! Despite the whole commotion of being broke and desperate, i just need to pamper myself with such sinful indulgence. =)
Alrighty for now, it's off to the bed, tucking in early i might say. Farewell, you lovely readers. bahz.
"...ni yao de ai, old song but it rocked the socks of my feet..."
-ends snooze. I love that significant you, my brother, my friends & families ends-
Gracias
Yesterday night, my dear sister here (michelle) took me out for supper at 85 with the bestie as well. It was a belated birthday treat (Gracias!), though we didn't had much, due to our late dinners (me and bro) we were stuffed by the time we reached for the 2nd stick of Satay. Initial plan was to proceed to Geylang for supper, but obviously it didn't happen aye, couldn't be bothered la and bro is kinda lazee to drive. Bahz. As for me, i'm up with anywhere!
It was nice short catch up with the not so long forgotten siblings of the east. Though the night ended fast due certain unforeseen circumstances (hmph!) it was a nice meeting. Next time round, it will be my treat yeah ya'll!
P.S. Pardon the bad photoshop, i realised messed up collages are just not my forte.
I'm caught up with intense design work with my brother. We're having on a taxing job designing a cafe at IMM, and yes resulted me to break fast out, on the first day of fasting. Yeah, it just really portrays the jam packed schedule we both have. I tell you IMM is not something you would just hop on a bus and alight at the next 3 bus stops away from my place; located at the west, the train ride i have is just plain boring. Okaye laugh at me those westerners, can't be blame i'm brought up in the east aye~!
I'm caught up with intense design work with my brother. We're having on a taxing job designing a cafe at IMM, and yes resulted me to break fast out, on the first day of fasting. Yeah, it just really portrays the jam packed schedule we both have. I tell you IMM is not something you would just hop on a bus and alight at the next 3 bus stops away from my place; located at the west, the train ride i have is just plain boring. Okaye laugh at me those westerners, can't be blame i'm brought up in the east aye~!
Stupid Subaru Impressia. When i got through 98.7 it was Shan. A little too late, and i dun fancy his deejaying. His voice and jokes are as stale as that blardie fish in the freezer. For goodness sake spice it up a little dude! I am going to take a break from all the designing now and continue at around 9 in the morning. Cheerios.
"...i heard your true calling..."
-end uh huh. I love that significant you, my brother, friends & families ends-
Refresh
It wasn't the best time of my life, now things may head for a different journey but it looks like the path is full of light. I will accept it whether good or bad. Someone told me, you can't please everyone in the world. It's really hard, there are times where you wish you could split yourself to please each and everyone else and there are times you feel you'd just crumble. An equal fair of opportunity is given. For me i learn to be more understanding, to accept whatever it is and to actually, just be who i am. As long i have a clear conscience and others around knows it, that's all that matters.
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"And Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
A Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you"
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To the group of people that really signifies the importance of myself; my brother, all of my friends, my family and to that significant you.
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I'm really having a complicated long distant relationship, or whatever i am having though. I'm in such a freaking whirl. For the first time ever, i can't predict what will happen next. I'm stumped. I just proven myself to be the epitome of stumped. Literally. There'll be more to be blogged but for now, i'll just type whatever i could type.
I feel rather hollow.
"...never knew..."
-ends say goodbye? I love my significant you, my brother, my friends & my families ends-
never gone
Whirl
There are moments where i'm left in a state of unsure. I don't know how or what to blog, it might affect others. Here i thought, having a blog would be a space for me to venture out my feelings, thoughts and other things. But then again others get affected.
I have no clue. If somethings are resulted because of me, i'll make do a huge sacrifice. A huge one and trust me after it resulted in that, i'll be left uncontactable for how long? i wonder.
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We'll see the outcome.
camera whoring
20 Year Old Teen
I missed being a teenager already.
My birthday bash on the 29th was whacked! Such a ride it was. Let's leave out the emotional details then again, the whole party was full of emotions, and it was great fun. It was nice catching up with the rest.
THE GRATITUDE GOES TO..
Thanks to those who came for my party, to those that wishes me to everyone actually.
Thanks for to the cousins for the Gucci Monogram Wallet, the Hugo Boss Perfume and the Prada shoes.
Thanks to the uncle for the Nike Unkle Dunks (i almost fainted when i got em'!)
Thanks to Randy, Angel, Herbert, Denise, Alvin, Lance, Dan, Tanya, erm i can't remember who else who bought endless of red wines and chocolates.
Thanks to Fala and Julian for the Exquisite Granite bowl from the life shop.
Thanks to Herwin and Nas for the beautiful lamp skillfully done manually.
Thanks to my secondary school pals for the $150 Levi's and $150 Fossil vouchers.
Thanks to Murn and bf for the Chocolates.
Thanks to Beat and Nadi for the scrumptous dinner.
Thanks to my Brother Jason for the Flesh Imp Parody Series 4 Tee (something i really wanted badly!!)
Thanks to ALL that graced my party!!
Thanks to those that call and sms!
*weeps* I dun deserve such wonderful people in my life *weeps*
I shall blog again soon with the pictorials aye.
-ends 1920 i love and miss my brother, friends and families ends-
