"i won't score an A unless you do

i won't have fun unless you do

i won't be happy unless you are

we have our differences but you still are blood

whats mine's yours, even though sometimes i don't like that idea

i can't stand doing anything without you

and when i do, i think about how it would be like if you did

but deep down, i'm glad that you do not

cause if you did, then we would be one and the same

two peas in a pod we are, but with more genetic variation

been with you 4 years now, will never get tired of you here

we never actually say it,

but deep down we know it

we are brothers." - got it from a friend's brother's blog

Bro meet up soon, you're being missed deeply by your tarty brother at the other end of the road. =(

You know i'll be there no matter what bro :) life or death..

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

"...you're being missed..."

Stupid people.

Well hello there. I received a phone call from overseas today and it wasn't a pleasant one at all. I received a call from my ex-gf parents which wasn't very nice because they ignited the break up and now they're blaming everything on me. Hmm, it's stupid because of all the horrendous reasons they would come up with is, relentlessly yes i repeat, stupid. I mean, seriously for people their age i would have really thought they would at least come up with something better (muahahaha!) or definitely act to their age aye? I have no idea what runs in their minds. But seriously, they can result to alot of unpredictable fiasco's.

The crap they came up with lately, was their precious daughter died and i'm to be blamed for. Erk? Died? ok well i fell for it, for like 1 day. There are alot of convincing done until i fell for it or either that my vunerability just runs wild in me. Plus, she was in hospital beforehand (or hat could be a vicous lie) Until something smells utterly fishy. The next few days, there wasn't any news, phonecalls, etc. I self proclaimed, "i'm such a bodoh nak mampos" - i'm stupid until i can die one.

Hmm fine. So the death fiasco was a terrible one. And i flared up immediately. And today, they called saying, she's fine. UTTER RUBBISH. I could go on forever but really these pisses me off and it actually drains all the emotions and feelings i still have for her. It's tiring, on how this could go on and on. Please, i have my life to handle, simply putting you problems into my life ain't any good, at all. Just one phrase (look below)



I thought parents are to be role models of their children, but sometimes they push their kids to the extreme, everything just goes wrong. I want to get rid of this problem but it seems to be running back to me. I have no clue, they wanted me away from fine. But they want me back with her? I mean, stop being fickle! They ruined a perfectly good relationship and now they want us reconcile back after they blame all the unwanted rubbish on me.

I really have no idea what i should do, considering everything seems to be an ultimate blur, fuzzy like vision to me. I just need to release all this out to someone soon, before bottling all these up could actually cause severe hyper tension in myself. Period.

"thanks for all that wishes me good luck for my job tml :) thanks for the encouragement"

"...what erk?..."

Who Am I Kidding

I can't keep holding up a facade. I did try to wash away the agony and the trauma, but it's just to overwhelming for me. I DID TRY OK. But still, i the emo-ism in me will linger a little longer than expected. So i have to bear with it(cries) until it comes to an end. If one can't fight it, bear with it.

Yesterday was one of the worse days i had in my life. It just tops it all up from what I'm going through. God damn it. Literally, it was a series of unfortunate events. Happy, i am not. Like you know, how blardie "suay" i can get yesterday. Grr.

1st - I woke up with a horribly stiff neck causing a huge migraine in my friggin' head as though world war 3 erupted again. The domination of the stiff neck really puts my smile away for the entire day. Hoho, great start aye. -__-"

2nd - I got banged by a bike(motorcycle). &*%&#!@# UNFORTUNATELY. Argh. I was walking by the road side, you know those pavements like abhorringly near to the road kinda thing, when my friend accidentally pushed me off the pavement and yes to the road, with an upcoming bike i mind you. I mean hello~!? She gladly knew I've severe problems of balancing myself because of my flat feet. Thank god the bike managed to slow down, but it still bang me. I fell hard to the ground hitting my bum horrendously. The biker fell of the bike la, a little fall but he managed to sorta balance himself. KNN. Shockingly suay right i tell you!! Argh. By the way, to my friend, Sarah - GRRR i don't what to say liao. __

3rd - Later in the day, i went to the HDB showroom in Toa Payoh to check my new apartment. So it was pretty nicely done up and all (duh it's a showroom, silly me!) So i did a little measurement of the room using my feet (ah i.a.d students should know la) So it was laminated parquet flooring and i had my socks on. SO I took a rough step measuring my feet of a meter and at the end of the room i slid, fell straight into the bathroom where i bumped my friggin' head on the sink, GRANITE sink. KNN. KNN. KNN. Obviously, it wasn't my day aye.

4th - I went Ping's party yest a whooping 21 yr old party i might add. Well not say it was the worse party i attended (due to whatever happened to me in the day) It was a mandarin cladded party. This is not a racist entry OKAYE. 90% of my friends are chinese and my best friend is one too and i love them too bits ok, and wished at times i was chinese, LIKE during the party. I mean yah, i felt like i was in a foreign country considering i'm the only Malay dude there alright. I'm there for her, since it's her 21st bdae after all, one can never let down a 21st birthday ok. So i kept quiet most of the time la, what can i say? wo bu zhi dao? (i dun even know i got the spelling right or not!) But thanks to Bernard, some IAD peeps and my brother Jason to help me translate the whole event lol. I so need to release my tension yesterday but there wasn't anyone to release too sobs!

5th (grand finale) - So i got home as usual, what worse can the day come to right since it's already 11pm. I took the lift so yah. I was messaging Jason, an awful long message when i realized i was in the lift for quite some time aye. I looked up, there weren't any lighted numbers and i looked at the buttons it was lighted too. I could have sworn i pressed it.

Ah. AH. AHHHHHH LIFT JAM ARRRRRRRRRR

Kanchiong mama. Pressed the entire button etc. Well i didn't scream anyway. LOL The emergency button shall do the work. Tried calling the emeergency no., NO RECEPTION. Die die die die how?? Suddenly, fucking door open. I WAS LIKE YES AR but the joyous escape came to a halt. Instead of bright fuckin lights greet me, it was brick walls. ARGHHHHH. I'm CLAUSTROPHOBIC!!!! Damn it. So kanchiong like hell, changed sim card put prepaid card trying my luck to obtain some kind of reception. Half way changing, the LIGHTS WHEN OUT. WA LAO. Pitch black. PITCH BLACK literally. I mean claustrophobic in a small space is bad enough alright. I stumble around with my phone. AND YES GOT RECEPTION (i stand god damn near the brick wall though) I called the lift breakdown no. and yes they say they'll come down immediately. Stupidly, i called home (when no one is at home) -_-" I called my brother! Wah, to think he was quite emotionless le -_-"" Here i am panicking like fuck and he thinks i'm giving birth. -___________-" Well he did accompany me throughout my journey in the lift. With him keep scaring me with stupid scenarios of final destination, KNN. KNN big time. The fans in the lift switched off. Wah apparently the heat gets to me, like big time. I'm all irritated and flushed argh.

"tin ah! lei zho meh gam yong tui ngor?" - Courtesy of rongsen.
simply translated as, "Heaven why you do this to me!"

Major retribution of all the bad things I've done muaha, I've repent in the lift and shall be good little boy from now on. I just thank god there wasn't any pee in the lift or such. Tsk. suddenly, the lift moved. Hurray! When there was a sudden jolt and dropped 2 storeys down FAST OKAYE.

KNNCCB.

I just squat down at the corner of lift looking all petrified. Grr. The lift moved again slower this time and it moved and moved and moved and it reached the 15th floor when some guy open it. He opened it halfway so i have to climb out. (final d. scenario flashed in my mind again, what if the lift move!!) I thanked the guy like a glorious thank you but he still emotionless le. Erk. Ran down the stairs and went into my house with a huge sigh. WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH suay yesterday, super suay like fuck. And the funneh thing all this ended at 12am sharp. :) I swear it's the end of such trauma. And i'm still claustrophobic, inhaling the glorious fresh air now.

I had such an awful day. But it's over now. So i'll try look up forward to better day and be like.. Liyana. (she so gonna kill me now =P)






"... a series of unfortunate events..."

I Call It Full Blown Part 1

I have no idea why i called the graphics i did above full blown part 1 buy hell yeah. Seriously, when boredom attacks, the mind go crazy, it squeezes the juices and poof, out comes the creation, i think. Lately, i really don't feel well, like right now. I ought to be sleeping but i'm still up despite feeling a tad feverish. Hmph.

I sorta had a long day today. Headed off to school to burn something from my comp and headed off to HDB. HDB queue's are irritating. The whole building is cladded with typical Singaporeans rushing for the earliest grab, like they say the earliest bird catchest the worm. As though 4d isn't bad enough. Some brought the entire family there as though they might just breakout into a reunion gathering if any more were to come. The queue lasted forever but the session lasted a mere 15mins. Hmph.

There was a Makcik who commented in malay, "E'eh kau, i dah pilih rumah i, nombor cantik kau!" - (simply translated (DIRECT) "you know i choose my house already. pretty number you know!") I tried hard not to burst laughing, well thank god. Lol. The aunties were pretty funny to a certain extend but yeah typical of them though muahahah.

The HDB prolonged long enough to make my tummy grumble. Supposedly to meet the brother and the rest but things change =( Oh well i met up with Nadi instead to have late lunch cum early dinner at swensens. A nice lil' catch up. Hah.

I hate my cousin, she cheated my anticipation, my brother's and his friend. HMPH. I hate her i hate her i hate her. GIMME FORT MINOR NOW. HMPH!

I am off to sleep. twiddles! Lol.

"...i hate my cousin hmph!..."

when boredom attacks.

IF

i dun miss the ex-girlfriend, i'd miss the best friend, and if dun miss the him i'd miss all of my friends but then again, if i dun miss any of them, i'd miss my mom.
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but now i really miss and love everyone of them badly :(

The Moment

Everytime when i ignited a message/chat, i guess i should just get the straight to point. To act a little basic concern do trigger much confusion and hurt. Hmm. I hate it when i get answered by a question regarding the same question, with a QUESTION. It just puts me nowhere but a much lower self-esteem, go me. So much for being eloquent and intelligent; the obscurities of my life.

E.g. Question asked, "What's wrong with you?" and answer - "What's wrong with you?!" with a much provoking tone causing such simplicity of phrase, to be doomed for. It demoralises and hurt u more thinking the whole motive of the question is actually showing concern, but it was used more too rebel. Ah, i hate this confusions. The situation merely doesn't intent to trigger any voice raising fiasco, or to actually spark up an argument. But i guess, there are times it would. The worse part, is to actually hear. Hearing portays alot of emotions from the other party. I guess, it's all about the tone of the voice. From the earlier experience i guess (yes this whole entry is all about my own self experience), i may have a little cranky tone causing alot of negativity, i apologised truly for it. I thought upon hearing the other party voice would actually, brighten up the gloomy world i'm living now but it was a trap that was set for.

You see, one can't assume and one can't expect from another but one can state the fact, when it's obvious of course. For example, the day before maybe two parties had a marvellous conversation, putting the joyous adrenaline of friendship to where it stands. Therefore, an ASSUMPTION, the joy would still be carried on today but a night sleep, waking to a new day, the joy was halted, for one party. The other party shouldn't be assuming that everything went well throughout the day, or so. Well at least, the other party would love share his joy with the other party but a little message the other chirrups, was to no avail. Oh well, as you can see, one can't assume. Assumption just puts you either you're lucky into a good situation but if not, NEVER it will be.

So yes, it all runs back to me or whoever was in the same position as me before or still is. Expectation for a particular joy is shortlived and assuming why it happen was also a curse i guess. There are times, you try to think what could actually happen to trigger such negative out put, and weird thoughts start to run into your mind. For example, I said something wrong the night before, could the party found out something that dis-pleases him, etc.

ALL THOSE SHOULD STOP.
It is human nature to actually have such thoughts running through your mind, but when one say, "I don't feel like talking to anybody, i didn't shun you alone" trust the party ok? I mean, you are friends, brothers, in a relationship, best of friends, brother's for life, wife, husband, etc because of one particular factor, TRUST. If you don't have such factor running through everyone of us how sure are you that the bond, relationship or whatever you gonna call it, pull through?

Definitely, when one party bombards you question that acquires your reflective reaction; you tend too halt, stumble, stammer, etc (well at least that happens to me always). BUT it doesn't mean you are in the total wrong, it simply means "I'M STUPID ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY TRIGGER SUCH SITUATION". Period.

Shall i sum it up now? Give me a little more. Hmm from what i know, you don't lead other people's life. You can't even lead your own life to the right track how sure are you to actually be the master of it? Be strictly in your own shoes, if others doesn't fit, forget it. This entry made me feel much better.

At last the summary,
I guess the mistakes are still obscure. What happen to me i guess happen to all alot, maybe a little bit more for me, definitely not from the same person la. It's a matter of human attitudes. No one can judge them, no one can foresee them. As for that, i apologise to the other party for unintentional harm cause. I've done my part i guess?

"....you cannot put yourself down...."

At times

I would really wish things would at least fall into place for me.
I would really wish that my sacrifices are not for nothing.
I would really wish that the heart doesn't break.
I would really wish that things were like how they were in the past.
I would really wish that time would go on a little slower.
I would really wish that gratitude wouldn't be taken granted for.
I would really wish that one could understand me.
I would really wish that i was in other more fortunate shoes.
I would really wish that people could take notice of their surroundings.
I would really wish that sometimes i wouldn't have to take the first step.
I would really wish that there weren't any lies in the world.
I would really wish that pain would disappear forever.
I would really wish that the act of concern is being carried out often.
I would really wish of all the good things in the world.
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but don't we all wish the same too?

"...forget me not, for i have done much for you..."

To view the above set of photos individually please [click here]

And another photo montage and another day well spent with the best people in my life. Hoho. It was superb fun with generous amount of cholesterol intake *evil laughs* Let me see, the pure indulgence of chilli crabs, black pepper crabs, grilled prawns, fried squids, satay's, chicken wings, stuffed you tiaos, otah's, kailan's, ergh the list can sure go one yeah. Mouth watering delectables sure attacked the stomach fluids last night.

Then again, to help ourselves digest we took a stroll down to M.O.S. We're literally a bunch of retards, i repeat RETARDS. How long does it takes to actually go to the loo? Well approximately friggin' 20mins for the girls and an innocently 2 mins for the guys. The distinct comparable timings sure puts ladies in a higher situation that not only pee or freshen, but the major emphasis is actually, photos. I guess narcissm do run in their blood, obviously heh.

ok bye. Diploma show briefin tml, and for once i am excited to go back to school to meet up with the rest wee.

I know my whole blog past few entries are nothing but pictorials, and today once more. Though these batch of pics are long due but hell yeah i just got my hands on them. Once again, feast your eyes on my camera whorific life :P.

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Just look at our happy faces. FYP is over and done. Wee.

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Ok la quite cute hor?

From all these
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to this
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Love epic went totally wrong.

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Those were the days at builders shop. Check Rongsen's super TYRA wannabe pose. Tsk.

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Another entry, another set. Wee. I cant sleep. Don't ask me why, i cleaned up my room, twice and i found $3.45 under my bed. and another $2 the second time. Tell me how relentlessly stupid but quite lucky can i be. So now i'm $5.45 more than i was. *skips* Let me see what shall i do now, i've started on the year book which is only a page done and my mind drifted to other un-necessary essentials. Hmm i'm meeting up with the old pals later on for lunch or whatever. Wee.

I'll be viewing my new home on Thursday, boy i'm excited! Sea view rooms kick ass aye! =P The fuckin' irritating part is that, I SUPPOSEDLY to move in this year somehow but the date got pushed back until April 2009 or 2010. How screwed up can that be? I'll be a freakin 24 year boy! Holy mother of crap. Tsk. Say, aren't holidays the best? I've been lounging so much that sometimes it can be a pain. Literally. I've developed much into a couch potato that at times a potato could mock the shit out of me. Alright, lame ass izk. Lame ass.

The sun is almost up, and i should tuck in. But i just don't want too. I guess really, it's kinda weird when you're busy doing work you realised how much sleep you really need but now when work is even barely your middle name, sleep is somewhat you don't really want to do. Hmm. I swear we're living in such a complicating world.

Ok i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. i'm bored. yes i am.

ok bye.

To view the above set of photos individually please [click here]

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To view the above set of photos individually please [click here]

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To view the above set of photos individually please [click here]

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Saturday 4th Feb; Bugis, Arab St, Sheeshafied high.









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Told you it was a long entry of photos. ROAR!