yet another, :)
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
She said somedays I feel like shit
Somedays I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit
I don't understand why you have to always be gone
I get along but your trips always feel so long
And I find myself trying to stay by the phone
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot, working my day around a call
And when I pick up I don't have much to say, so
I want you to know its a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debatin
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home
You know, the place you used to live
Used to barbeque with burgers and ribs
Used to have a little party every halloween
with candy by the pile but now you only stop by every once in a while
Shit
I find myself just filling my time
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
I'm doing fine and I'm plannin' to keep it that way
You can call me if you find that you have something to say
And I'll tell you
I want you to know its a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating
Telling you that
I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home
I want you to know its a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, no longer debatin'
Tired of sittin and hatin' and making these excuses
For why you're not around, and feeling sorta useless
It seems that one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you've got till its gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back
I won't be here and you can sing it
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home
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I miss you like fuck.
from the past
Giggling Away
Currently, i'm blogging in the office. With the air conditioner blasting over my head, i swear, my hair broke out into icicles. Considering today is a pretty cold day, in the morning that is causing such discomfort in waking up due to the extreme comfort of the weather. See the contradiction?! Tsk. I almost fell asleep in the morning. And i think i did. LoL. I have this weird peculiar habit of taking naps in the loo. Don't ask me why but it's a stupid shit ass habit of mine that i should actually shrug it off myself. Tsk tsk.
Ah i feel like having an apple. Right, now that was random.
Anyway, i'm alone now. I could hear the zapping of photocopy machines and the crunching sounds of the binding machine. Infront of me is a pretty cylindrical bottle by Crabtree & Evelyn. With the words Cinnamon Cookies splashed over the bottle, i decided to take a bite. Hm. It was YUMMAYE. Not orgasmic but just yummaye. The funny thing i can't even taste the cinnamon. Now t'was a little rip off cause i love that tangy taste after munching down something cinammonish.
OH OH, apple and cinammon. hmm fisherman friends anyone? Right another randomsicle shit of mine. Oh well. ROAR.
My office peeps are such bitches, fine bitches. Heh. oh well, they are really nice and all =)
"...i do not want to feel like this. I do not want to sound like a broken record but tell me why? I guess this is long enough for mental and psychological torture. I don't want to feel as though i wasted for nothing because part of me still do tell me, it wasn't for nothing. I've had reflections now to actually form another soul now. Please look into this and tell me it'll be as normal. Boohoo, puhlezz. Aite, signing off..."
Woken Up.
I'm disturbed by the fact of such hauntings of the mind woke me up from my deep slumber. I'm annoyed but yet frightened. Well, all these occured yesterday and i'm sleep deprived because of it. I'm sparing the details but please don't let tonight be another tretcherous night, again.
I've been busy with work lately, but busy in a good way of course. There are those tiny moments where you stumble during your work (i always do) and hope that everything will go on mighty fine. Well, so far the colleagues are really nice, though i've been a little quiet at times. I really miss my lifestyle i had in school, but most it is because
I really miss my friends.
I havent really actually blog properly due to my fatigue. Oh well, i'm trying to now heh. The Butter Factory a mighty swell club, though it may be a little small, but it's quite worth it and yes, QUIRKY. heh. Alright, that was random, www.thebutterfactory.com check it out for more details (i love the website!) So currently, you can call me a "teen-flick-fan". Ok, let me emphasise this, IT'S JUST A PHASE I'M GOING THROUGH OKAYE. Period. I had, and still having actually, the movie A Walk to Remember on repeat on my Windows Media Player, not forgetting the ever so cheesey, A Cinderella Story. Plus the classics, She's All That and Never Been Kissed.
I'm ashamed of myself.
But this movies really is swell, if i'm 15 or something but then again for a cheap thril of romance, adventure and fantasy, ok la QUITE worth watching la. LOL. As i type, A Walk To Remember echoes through my speakers heh. Lately, i've had a tiny morsel of good news. I have no clue if it's true or not but someone is popping by my dip show from down under. After not hearing from her, like forever? After the shit i went through, but don't ask me why the sudden contact, i'm mighty surprised as well! If it's true, she'll be appearing, ALONE during my dip show. No high hopes though.
Now, i do hope things would really fall into place now. As for the mother, she'll be back tomorrow and the longest actually until the dip show is over. Now that perks the shit out of me. Wee. Next up is the best friend. Well, i'm still unsure, clueless and prays daily about it. Coming along shortly, is maybe someone new in my life, or just a past other half that's appearing during the dip show would make a comeback, secretly though. Hmm.
It seemed like i just mentioned a whole series of wishlist man.
Alright, Placebo is performing like TODAY, damn it. Grr. Oh, did i tell you how much i love
MANDY MOORE. Okie, really, after watching A Walk to Remember like 3,456,666,677,535 times i've fallen head over heels with her. Her smile, her voice, her hair, etc oh well. Can't a boy fantasize over a popstar!? Hey, but i did met her once before and she shook my hand! *elated* Which is funny, i'm excited and happy bout it now, than then. Muahaha. It was during the MTV asia awards, whatcha' think? She comes over to Singapore and drops by my house for coffee? How i really wish that would happen.
Alright, some lyrics to my happy new emo song crave of mine,
Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me.
There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
I thought I might get one more chance
What would you think of me now,
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
Never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance
May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
Aite. Hope to have some sweet dreams now.
"...dang, i think back the times way in 2003, how teen-ish we were..."
Momentarily
Half of the nights i wasted in sighs.
Thinking of what it is now.
Thunderous silence echoed the heart.
The vibrant smile disappears.
The running thoughts, led to nowhere.
I really miss the both of you.
Look at me once again, and say you'll be there always.
Congrats again wei min :)
Sweet Things
Nadiah told me this yesterday, "sometimes when i'm cooking i would always imagine i'm cooking with all of you; it makes my breakfast or dinner better."
Aw. That's the nicest thing one could say when one is way down under. Nad, i really miss you man. No more dinner parties until you're right back in Singapore, for good.
"i'm so proud to have true friends like you all." - Nad.
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I am proud to have u too
I wish, everything wasn't as tough as it is now. I wish it could be better or as before. Not like this; where awkward situations run through every single minute. Where distance might be the only answer for all. Where there are times that we forget the ones, that was an assistance to us. Turning back the hands of time, would be a dream come true.
But like i said, a dream.
I will still be the enthusiatic one to keep everything going, and keep it together no matter what. Doesn't matter the hell i'm going through but whatever it takes, i'll still be that person who tries to keep it together.
Another day, another try.
"...forget me not..."
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
i miss the mina malaysia
rsen. says:
me too........
rsen. says:
so how?
rsen. says:
we go up lo
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
lolx..
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
not now no $$
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
LOL!
rsen. says:
same here
rsen. says:
i was thinking we could walk
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
haha~
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
hmm
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
alright
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
that would be fun aye
rsen. says:
of cos!
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
weEEe
rsen. says:
so we meet tml at 5.30am
rsen. says:
then we walk to muar
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
aite
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
dun forget your passports
rsen. says:
hopefully we can there by 31st march
rsen. says:
yes yes i wont forget
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
coolie
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
deal!
rsen. says:
see u!
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
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after that
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
.
rsen. says:
...
rsen. says:
..........
rsen. says:
..
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
ah icic
rsen. says:
................
rsen. says:
....
rsen. says:
.
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
really??
rsen. says:
.................................................................
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
omg.....
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
than what happen?
rsen. says:
.................................................... ...................... ......... ............ .......................... ..............!
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
like wat fuck~?!~!
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
i thought so he would that
rsen. says:
.................. .... . .......... ............ . . . ........
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
he said that!!!
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
shit man.
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
than didnt u like fight back
rsen. says:
..........................................................................
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
or something
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
oh
rsen. says:
ok fuck you
_๑۩۞۩๑_izk-ed >> the wonders of what song shall i sing next. says:
MUAHAHA
Montage
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And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you
And if I should ever go away
Well then close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today
And then if you can remember
Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times, and bad times
I'll be on your side forevermore
That's what friends are for
Well you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
So by the way I thank you
And then for the times when we're apart
Well then close your eyes and know
These words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember
That's what friends are for.
"....the way i do...."
And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you
And if I should ever go away
Well then close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today
And then if you can remember
Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times, and bad times
I'll be on your side forevermore
That's what friends are for
Well you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
So by the way I thank you
And then for the times when we're apart
Well then close your eyes and know
These words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember
That's what friends are for.
"....the way i do...."
Just Random
Everytime i wake up from a nap, i feel shitty. Considering, the glimpses of my life flashes back that very moment i wake up. The irony is that, it's all the shitty moments of my life and what i'm going through now. Argh. It's irritating because, it requires me to think and ponder alot. Which i am trying hard, extremely hard to not think so much. Because it does nothing but causes hurt, to myself. Practically, you can't blame anyone else for the pain but yourself. Hmm, self reflectin' is good but definitely you have to put up some hardship before the goodness re-appears again aye.
The past few days, i did alot of stuff to occupy my mind. Hmm which is satisfying because it really did occupy my mind hoho! lol. Holly crap. It's been ages since this blog is filled with photo montages. But i guess, after work i'll get it done with the entertainment aye. hmm. I need help. I don't know why but i do need help in getting assured that everything that's falling out of place right now will be back to normal soon.
It sucked because there are times you felt nothing but being used for? I don't how should i phrase it but yeah. Now is all about leisure and relaxation, but the mind wanders and forgets to those actually lends a helping hand when times in need. It hurts most when times like that happens. As sure everyone needs that precious time of soulful collection (lol) but one shouldn't forget the voluntary sacrifices of another. Oh well. Whatever it is, i hope everything will be fine for me and for others.
As i blog-hopped, i envy.
I envy how sometimes life can be touching. How life can be at the most beautiful point as it is. How friends measure you up. How surprises are always entertaining. I'm waiting for that moment. Hmm. I guess i should just continue waitingfor a long time. LOL hoho. Oh well. I pray again.
I've gotten my results.
And a big thank you to all that actually guided me throughout the entire process of the project. Without the help i obtained by you guys my friends, i wouldn't make it as far as i could.
Thank you my friends. =)
-hearts-
I've been consoling alot of people lately. And i feel them. I really do. I can feel their sorrows but, i can't do anything but to give words of healing and comfort. I realised there are times you feel you're the most unluckiest person on earth but times like this makes you reflect everyone has problems of their own. I'm going through a couple of hurdles myself, if a few souls could actually take their time off to comfort me, not only through phonecalls but smses why not i take my time off to comfort the people who are full sorrows. Putting back the smile where it used to be. It's the way of life where happiness should be the main priority. No matter who you are. Problems may linger but it sure makes you feel good when there are people who actually care for you. Trust me it does. =)
The uncertainties of everyone is seriously unpredictable. One can never expect something from someone. One can never understand until one experience it. I guess like a close friend told me, self reflections are the best. Oh well, it is, provided the other party who's involve also does so right? LoL. I guess, like i said everyone is unpredictable.
When i pray at night, i wish for the happiness for the best friend, the friends, the mom; without fail. Whatever it is, i don't mind sacrificing my happiness just to let them actually gain their happiness. I'll still pray for them, with all my heart.
I know its unbelievable, it's me.
"....prays again and again...."
A Short One.
So i've been a little busy, that i had forgotten i had a blog. -_-" Utterly, "un-new" bout that. I've forgotten i've got a blog almost a million and one times but yeah, whatever. But how can one forgot that one has a blog? Hmm. Oh well. Hmph.
I shall blog a pathetic paragraph for now because, later in the night i'll be going on a BLOG FRENZY. hoho.
Back to my Sunday Mayhem of work, photoshoots, etc wee
"...yawns..."
A Photographic Entry
So i've decide to put some photographic entries. Lol. I dug my computer and found this pictorials i took for design studies. hoho. I love em', it's rather nostalgic aye. LoL. Ok fine whatever, up to you all to critique la hor. I was actually sleeping. Well, i repeat was. But i have no clue i have a certain nudge to wake up at 12. -_-'' which is rather "pissable" because i would love to lengthen my sleep *roar*
Okie, busy busy busy i'm so busy, i think. Hmm. Oh well, i'm just pissed i've shortened m peaceful sleep. GRR. now cannot sleep lor.
It's just tears and rain. It's just tears and rain. Hmph. I find this song on my blog currently, simply ignites the emo-ism in me. James Blunt is such an emo. Eyh, but i shall change to another song i guess. Tigerlily - Matchbook Romance? Alright Tigerlily it shall be. Someone just smacked me with an emo pill i guess. The whole, brooding thing going on. Mysterious and gloomy. But i guess my mysterious-ness and gloomy-ness is kinda crappy, cause all i can be is goofy. Now that's not the way it should be!
Ba, uttering the rubbish of all rubbish
*shakes head*
*pulls hair out!*
Anyway, MUMMY'S COMING FOR MY DIPLOMA SHOW!! YAY!
She insisted to see all of my friend's work. Jason, Wei Min, Liy, Rsen, Den, etc ALL OF THEM. She threatened me i tell you (LOL) Weee. But i'm happy she's coming. yippedooda!
Oh yah, i'm figuring what shall i clad myself on the faithful day? Hmm. Alo alo, it's still long long. tsk tsk. Ok ok. I shall put my turdy head to sleep. Goodnight all my fellow -izked-ians-
"...why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes...
and i... i don't want to speak these words.
cause i, i don't want to make things any worse...."
"....tigerlily it is!...."
I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See a liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I'd screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
Tears and rain
Far, Far away;find comfort in pain
All pleasures the same: it just keeps me from trouble
Its more than just words; its just tears and rain
How Like That?!
I've got a shooting to do and my model wants some time erm "away". Haiz. Racing towards time, either i screw the shoot or find a new model within 24hrs or lesser. I am so screwed. Friggin' screwed. Mother of all screwedness. I am so sorry cousin. Well what goes around comes around aye. I hated her for not giving me the Oasis tickets and now, i'm screwing up her project. Oh my, well done izk-ed. WELL DONE.
I've listed down on paper who are my potential candidates. When i doodle and all when everything comes back to the original model.
*pulls hair out*
Argh. Why do i have to be who i am now, causing such distant to such friend? I feel uber shitty now. Argh. Can i have a little bright shining moment for myself? Even a mere second will do. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?
*smacks the head*
I feel like crying, not.
I feel screaming, maybe.
I feel killing myself, DEFINITELY.
.
.
.
.
.
I won't do the shoot. I've decided. I won't. I'll do anything else but the shoot.
If only the timing wasn't as "perfect" as this. Argh, but then again, i can't blame the timing. All i can do is to blame, MYSELF. ME. ME. ME. I have myself to blame. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME.
Full of anguish here okie. I've let my cousin down and there goes a mighty swell entry for my portfolio -cries-. Oh well. Blood is thicker than water definitely. I really hate such tormented problems due to unforeseen neglects. Damn it. GOD DAMN IT.
Please let everything be as what it was 2 years back. I pray everyday, and hope endlessly god. Seriously. I know it will be as what it supposed to be but time have to be of an essence and pain will endure endlessly until the hope is achieved. Holy crap, i'm seriously praying damn hard for everything to be okie. I pray upon my dad's grave and hope everything will be fineeee. EEK! please please please pleaseeeeee.. =(
*sniffles*
"....still praying with all my might...."
Sleep
I WANT TO SLEEP. I WANT TO SLEEP.
I WANT TO SLEEP. I WANT TO SLEEP.
I WANT TO SLEEP. I WANT TO SLEEP.
I WANT TO SLEEP. I WANT TO SLEEP.
I WANT TO SLEEP. I WANT TO SLEEP.
I WANT TO SLEEP. I WANT TO SLEEP.
I WANT TO SLEEP. I WANT TO SLEEP.
I WANT TO SLEEP. I WANT TO SLEEP.
I WANT TO SLEEP. I WANT TO SLEEP.
well, whatever, i've been sleeping my ass off eversince i started working. hurhur.
YES IT'S TIME TO PARTAYE!
Singapore Idol or Anugerah Skrin (Malay star idol), i'm such a fame grabbing whore (muahahahaha!), but sad to say, i think i must drop one of it. But, i have no clue which one! I have more passion in acting but entirely no confident in singing. Though, Singapore Idol brings you to a higher level, than a Suria based competition. Oh well, we'll see. This what happens, when 2 competition clashes with each other. *grumbles*
I've just had a long short-message-service talk with wei min muahaha. She gave me alot of advices and i truly love her for that. She's one "mother" that i love truly (beside the original parental la...) And i usually manifest her advices and take it too heed, oh well at least for now she's the mom, since my mom's currently flying around the world for business. Boohoo. Lolx.
But my mum wrote a note for me today,
"Take care of yourself okaye,
i know i've been missing alot,
and i can't be there for you alot.
But i admire you my son.
You stand strong for where you are
even there are tonnes of troubles burdening you
You make choices which at times, i don't make
and you stand through alot of hardship than i was
during your age.
Mommy love you alot okaye, take care."
*boohoo!*
I miss my mommy already! Whimpers* Oh well, being the only child withthe only parental flying away for business alot is not easy. Say, i think i'm used to it by now. Times like this you feel like you're the only pathetic soul in the world, living all alone, doing everything alone. Oh well, like i said, times like this ONLY! Other than that, i love the accompany i get from my friends =) They make up who you are, no matter what! Lol.
I've been utterly grumbling my daily rantings, but i guess it's kinda stupid considering, my grumbles are all about the same old thing. I need to spice things up a little. Oh well, it comes to again times like this, the blog offers me nothing but a daily diary entry. Hmph. And again, the creative juices seemed to be clogged up somewhere up there, giving nothing of pure goodness.
Days past by rather fast, cause it's already mid week. Hmm, i can hear the friday night jumbo calling my name as it echoes through the air. Hmm. I shall do some shopping soon, but then again, the moolahs, are MISSIN' lol. I want to grab myself a blazer. I nice blazer. Either from Zara or Prada (as though i'm manifested in cash now hor). I also feel like grabbing more of the dunks, graniph tees, obey stuffs oh mighty fun shopping is! twiddles*
I'm eating an egg sandwich now because i've haven't had my dinner and i'm lazy enough to cook. Hmph.
"...the ordeals..."
It's Still A Monday
I decided to blog before the clock strikes 12 because i'm rather poofed out. So this entry i guess it'll be for Tuesday's late night entry but than again, i'll just blog on a Monday night.
I really miss everyone badly so much that even photos on my office desk doesn't help *whimper*
There are times sorry can be the hardest word but there times that too much of it is making the tiny ownself sore. Righto. I apologise too much, even though i'm not in the wrong. Why is that so? I have no clue. But realization hits hard into the heart. Stop taking the apologies of other people's action. STOP IT I SAY. Oh well. Silly retard me just couldn't help it. I guess, i realised as well, i never had a sincere apology given to me ever in my life. BECAUSE, i took the first step of apologising, which simply puts the other party as the "non-guilty" role. And why do i do so? If no one gives in, it doesn't end. I may always be at the loosing end but as long as the other party whom you might truly care and cherished about is happy, is all that truly matters.
Randomness: Why do you act like that? I've always stoody by you even in sickness and in health. I would voluntarily sacrifice anything that i wouldn't mind sacrificing for a smooth sailing ride for you but why do you have to just act like that? I don't wish for anything in return, really. I don't wish for huge things that only money could buy. How do i actually convince you?
*I wish that you could actually look at me and accept me for why you accepted me in the first place*
I missed you dude.
I WANT TO GO BACK SCHOOL. I MISS MY I.A.D FAMILY SOBS
"...grahams...
Congrats Wei Min *edited*
The only finalist from a polytechnic at this year's Furniture Design Award. Thanks ma for making TP Design especially I.A.D proud =) Wee. Oh yes. I went to Expo today to check out the FDA winners, alone. LOL! I just have to make it look uber crappy and sappy having to spend my only Sunday, alone. I repeat, alone. hoho. I wanted to ask Jason but erm, i guess he wanted to have some time, alone. I swear that the bloody word "alone" really made it's appearance a couple of times in this entry heh. Oh well, everybody needs time, alone. Muahahahaha!
Headed of Tampines Mall to window shop, alone (alright i oughta stop it) And met up with Shahnaz, no longer alone! hoho. After a while of slacking, met up with Wei Min, the official designer of the above stool haha, for some catching up =) Wee. Intro her to my friend and stuff so we hung out at pastamania, no longer ALONE MUAHAHA. Yup. It was a boring Sunday. Hmph.
I forgot to mention that,
THE PARENTAL IS BACK! (for at least 2 days that is)
Wee! Me is happy now. Oh well, at least for awhile. I miss the mother so much. Woohoo. Did catch up and all. She bought a couple of stuffs for me and brother jason from Thailand, stupendous shit! Well at least she's back for at least 48 hours before she skips off happily to Malaysia again.
*pulls hair out*
I really miss the mother so much which made me uber happy to see her! And not forgetting, i really my best friend but i guess, well i don't know what should i guess *looking down really low* I just miss my best friend oh well i hope he reads my blog still and at least tag, oh well. =(
Enough of the depression. I oughta be sleeping now, but i can't? LOL, i just miss late nights but i have to work tml and i broke to travel, shitty ho. Well, i shall watch myself some teevee and head off the comforters.
*edited*
I was watching lizzie mcguire (dun ask me why!) but a scene in the show actually, made me realise something. It shows that no matter what, even if you hate something in particular but if you love someone who loves it, you will always give your full support and be there for them. You don't support people because you felt that you owe them. You support them or be there for them because you love them. Friends or family.
"...the rain in my heart..."
Inner Screams
I went to the beach today. I did alot of thinking and reflection. As the waves wash up upon the shores, i gaze upon seeing how life is being swept away by alot of uncertainties. Everybody needs that tiny time alone, everybody needs to find the innerself. It screams silently in me.
There is a strong feeling. But than again it's just a feeling i have. Were there stories unfold to be heard by others that are not coming from me? Causing alot of hindrance and hatred? You see when you do good things, they'll never be remembered, but the bad things will definitely linger in the mind, leaving it as vivid memories. If i were to lie, it'd be a white lie, you gotta face the fact everyone definitely tells alot lies but you see, there's always the ones that makes you suffer, or the ones that actually is unimportant at all, white lies that is.
If stories were told but wasn't from me, how do you clarify that? It's human instinct on how we normally absorb first hand news, even though it's not coming from the origin. I know alot of things that actually people do not know, i know. Somehow it got to me. I hold it on to myself because of trust. If the news or stories are not meant to be spread than it'll be bottled up in myself. If particularly, almost everyone is talking about it? What the hell, go with the flow la (LOL) Than again, the news might be true or untrue. The easy is clarification with the one that's involved in the news. Act as maturely as possible because the act of immaturity still runs wild in all of us. Settle it one on one maturely, i repeat.
Is just that, it's word of mouth, the decision is up to oneself to believe it. But it's best if clarifications is done from the right owner or origin. One can never be too sure but one can't change human instincts. Oh well like i said, it's just a feeling.
Prove my feeling wrong. *rolls eyes* If someway somehow you're offended, than definitely you're agitated by it right? haha which is definitely, you know something about me! hahahhaha...
*Easily, when you need the truth or to clarify something about me, ask me directly*
Liyana told me the other day, my happiness in me was gone because of what happened in the past. Bulls eye i say. I retracted back my happiness for some reasons. I tried to get it back but the word fear runs in me. The fear of loosing, the fear of arguments. Normally, one can only learn a lesson through harshness. I've got that in the bag. Now, i find rather hard to open up and just let it go. I've been living in denial eversince. It's a facade that myself can't even bear to hold up anymore.
*I really pray and hope to my every last bit of my life that one day everything will just fall into place of what it used to be*
I think at times, i've given so much that i've ruined it unexpectedly. It's a smack in the head and heart for me. You see, mistakes like this are deadly. It's those silent killers which puts you in a boiling spot. I hope it'll never be too late too change, i hope i'll be able to actually redeem myself. Look at me one more time, and i hope you see me for why you accept me in the past.
I did the test earlier on(some annegram shit), the ones in bold are the ones i truly believe in them. Other than that it's pretty accurate. Reassure me everything is OK. I have to be reassured to ease myself so yah, be reminded (LOL!!)
"....don't you see that in me anymore? or you have found someone else.. =(..."
| the Questioner Test finished! |
you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX."I am affectionate and skeptical"Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative. How to Get Along with Me
What I Like About Being a Six
What's Hard About Being a Six
Sixes as Children Often
Sixes as Parents
|
Fantastic
I had a fantastic dinner with the colleagues today at the stone grill restaurant at East Coast Road. It was superb because of it's cool way of dining. Hot stones with meat of them. Grilling right in front of you. And the whole experience was, rather exquisite for my liking. But, it was good. I wouldn't mind patronising that restaurant another time round, that's for sure!
I love Old Chang Kee. Ok that was random.
I maybe a little slow but yes, tasting the pepper puff at OCK, knocks my socks off. Wooho, it's better than any puffs i've tasted before. The deep rich taste of black pepper that mixes well together with bite size chicken bits and moist potatoes. Ah, it was simply mag-ni-fik!
Aight, i've been food bragging. Oh well. Yes, i've been depressed lately, for those who read my blog (religiously lol) I can't help, but to actually still be a little down. Oh well, let time be of an essence. I'll try to lessen down the tear pouring entries and put up more erm, joyful ones? Right -_-'' Izkandar go get an emo transplant, you emo-ism is getting out of hand grr.
I've printed my namecards and it's pretty swell i tell you, loving it. Though it's shuffle-like, but i don't care i still like it. No intention to make it look 7610-ish or shuffle-ish at all. It's the weekends now and time to sleep in longer :) I miss the good old times. Haiz, i had a long talk with liyana yest and it was all good. I really hope, i won't be leaving in such denial anymore and prays hard daily with every of my might to actually make everything fine. The tragedy, trauma or whatever shit i'm going through, will be my daily life a little for now. I guess, well i've enough of guessing. Let it be, let it be izk. The happy moments, would only be a wonder maybe.
Missing, everything that is what not there anymore. Missing you, missing all of you.
"....i've had enough of myself actually...."
Sometimes I feel
like I am drunk behind the wheel
the wheel of possibility
however it may roll
give it a spin
see if it can somehow factor in
you know there's always more than one way
to say exactly what you mean to say
Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an INDICATION
it was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
so quiet but i finally woke up
if you're sad then it's time you spoke up too
Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an INVITATION
it was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
so quiet but i finally woke up
if you're sad then it's time you spoke up too
Holidays, bummer.
Don't forget me during the holidays, but it seemed you'd rather.
I've been hurt more than enough to have this as another matter.
I gave you much and asked nothing in return.
But did i give you too much and let the friendship burn?
I'd rather go missing, but i'd rather not.
Because i'd rather be there for you even though you'd rather not.
I'm bummed out to continue this entry anyway..................................................
Counting down the days untill i meet all of you..
I Woke Up at 4
The heaven's took daddy, and gave me hell.
Never was it easy, but no one could tell.
Hoping to release it all, but no one cares.
The agonising pain now i have to bear.
Where is family when you're in pain?
I'm tired of waiting.
I'm tired of everything.
I'm tired of wanting.
I'm tired of thinking, realising there's nothing happening.
I thought everyone deserve what they should deserve?
The bottle's tight, no air out. The problems kept in with all it's might.
I woke up at 4 realising there wasn't anyone around. The phone was silent throughout the night. The empty house, the calling heart. The problems stayed but i want it to part.
I woke up at 4, i looked at all the photos.
I woke up at 4, i cried.
"....what do i do now...."
